It’s five o’clock in the morning

Today has been a long day. Come to think of it, I’ve been having a lot of “long days” recently. Let’s be honest, pretty much everyday is a long day for me. I got to work around 11:30 this morning. It was consistently busy all day, we had a ton of buys, and I didn’t eat anything. It happens a lot, actually. The whole forgetting to eat thing. Anyway, work ended and then it was time to shoot. Time for context. I’m helping my friend Alyssa film a short for one of her classes. She’s a film student at USC and is kind of a big deal. Seriously, though. Her story is awesome and involves a mannequin. That’s all I’m going to say. We shot from 6:30 pm until just about an hour ago (around 4:15 am). I was also babysitting the first half of the shoot. I know, I’m superwoman. It’s whatever.

I’m so tired that I can’t fall asleep. And, when I can’t sleep, my mind begins to race. This is the part where I let you in my brain.

Side note: I never let anyone in my brain. I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I am. Take advantage of this situation, people! Keep reading. I’m sure whatever I’m about to write is going to be ridiculous, and won’t make any sense (especially because it’s now 5:15 am). Fuck.

Welcome (insert your name here),

I’m frustrated with a lot of things in my life right now. The main thing being my body. I’m in constant pain, and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t sleep, at all. I was in two auto accidents; one in late June, and the other in late September. I got rear ended in the first one, and was run over on the freeway in the second one. Needless to say, Felix, my Mini Cooper, is no longer with us (may he rest in peace). Since the first accident, I had been seeing a chiropractor (against one of my best friends Hayley’s will) up until about the end of February. I think I tricked myself into thinking it was working. Now that I think about it, all they really did was perform electric shock therapy on my neck and back, and cracked the shit out of my body. Over, and over, and over. All the while neglecting my legs (which is now where most of my pain stems from). I don’t know, maybe I enjoyed all the free massages too much to realize this treatment wasn’t really doing anything. After my case closed, I felt better. It’s like I wasted all that time when I could’ve been recovering and exercising in physical therapy. It’s incredibly annoying.  I don’t like to feel incapable, and that’s all I’ve felt this past year. It’s just about the worst thing, ever.

I just started going to the gym again. It has been quite the experience so far. Let’s just say that my strength is pretty much non-existant. I was quite athletic before my accidents, and now, I can barely raise my arm above my head for fifteen seconds before it loses sensation and circulation. I hate it. I got a personal trainer, and I couldn’t be happier! His name is Dave. He’s an angel. He dabbles in physical therapy, too, and it is helping me immensely. We figured out that my sciatic nerve  is shot, and my IT band is full of knots (along with eleventy hundred other problems). The amount of patience this guy has is ridiculous, i’m surprised he hasn’t given up on me. Plus, he’s vegan. Hey-oh!

I guess that what I’m trying to say is that I’m getting better, sort of. I’m still completely crazy, but at least I’m getting some exercise? I don’t know. None of this makes sense. This is what happens when I can’t sleep and decide to write.

It’s 5:45, now. I should try and hit they hay. I have work in six hours. Womp, womp.

P.S. I still have yet to pick a major. More on that later.

Night.